?

Log in

No account? Create an account

to remind myself always

Oct. 20th, 2020 | 04:30 pm


We’re all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what’s coming. It’s pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are.

— Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
 

Link | |

"spare the rod & spoil the child"

Mar. 2nd, 2014 | 04:31 pm

i used to hate this statement so much. i hated how i was caned by my mum so much, hated how i couldn't have everything that everyone seemed to have- the freedom, the treatment of being an adult etc... but now that i'm 25 & a full-time working adult, i fully endorse this statement. parenting styles have changed so much & I'm quite appalled at some. i'm certain i will make a fair share of mistakes as a parent in future, but i hope i don't spoil my child. 

Link | Leave a comment |

(no subject)

Oct. 27th, 2013 | 07:01 pm

today, it dawned on me... while i am very pleased with what i'm doing in life i.e early childhood industry, do i want to do this for the rest of my life IF my pay is not going to go up? IF with everything said about the industry, nothing changes FOR THE BETTER? while the sermon today in church was loud & clear to be faithful & trust God, i do believe that things will work out. D and I will somehow manage to pay off the house, get married (not in the community centre, but like a hotel w a certain class hah!), we'll be able to raise 2 children w/o financial assistance. don't get me wrong but... does this mean i just keep on keeping on with what im doing & try to pray for a God-given pay raise or do i try to move up & stop being comfortable? i'm not saying that being a teacher is easy, i mean, my school's making some big changes & next yr will be stressful, but... if it isn't going anywhere, then what next? it's not like those people (not mentioning who) really appreciate our efforts/ know what is like living in the outside world. i'm really happy with where i'm progressing in terms of what parents think of me as a teacher. parents of children whom i have nv taught of want me as their child's teacher. like wow! how quickly the word of mouth spreads huh? i'm not boasting that i'm good, & i honestly do not see myself as a GREAT teacher in terms of classroom management. parents want me to stay on, & i want to... because helping the sch makes me happy. but with my pay being stuck LIKE FOR 3 YRS, someone needs a signal. a loud one probably... sigh. just gonna leave things be for a while. till i finish my masters & make alternative plans if things continue to stagnate. set up enrichment centre? lecturing? urgh, the worries i have if these plans don't work out... then what next? then just trust God & stop worrying. i hope i can be this faithful when the time comes... thus, the entry. ok, back to reality. ranting ends here, bye.

Link | Leave a comment |

thankful.

Jun. 6th, 2013 | 02:22 am

i want to remember for as long as i may, to remember how thankful i am to my dear God for what you have done for me. i often forget to say thanks, especially when things go wrong. but today, this week, this month... i wanna rejoice in how wonderful you have been to me.

Almost 3 years back when i first joined Maris Stella, i told you that i will be thankful for helping me leave my other workplace and getting me out of that tough situation. i was so glad to be part of a family where moral values were taught and academics weren't top priority. i was so glad to meet wonderful colleagues even though there were politics being played out amongst some. i was so thankful to have SIster Anne as my principal who understand and appreciated our efforts. well, that didn't last long...

after a year, Sister Anne left... she stepped down as principal, left the convent, everything started heading the downward spiral. the family i once was thankful for eventually split up. more than half left... i saw no point in staying on. there was no leader, too many changes, politics worsened. i tendered my resignation and waited for December to approach. but as the 2 months went, i felt something pulling me back to the school. maybe the children, maybe the remaining staff that are/were wonderful, maybe the environment and comfort level... but either way, somehow you brought me back. i took back the letter and stayed on.

at the start of the year, things went by pretty alright but of course, it didn't last very long. one of my closer colleagues left... another (whom asked me to stay) got somewhat forced to leave. i began to question why i chose to stay in the first place. parents were upset with the management but it didn't seem that changes were gonna take place. emotions started running high. hope was dim. plans to resign started building up.

till... Sunday. good news was delivered! there would be changes made. & suddenly, it all made sense that you had the foresight to plan everything in your perfect timing. as an individual, i couldn't comprehend your plan for my future. i felt so silly for taking that step of faith to stay on yet little did i know you had something planned for me. i often hear sermons preach about having faith and trusting in you because you see the bigger picture, yet i failed to apply it. now i understand... & i thank you for everything you've done. while the changes may not necessarily be good/bad, i shall take that step of faith again and trust in your guidance. it may not be easy but i shall try...

thank you once again for being so wonderful & kind towards me. i dont deserve it especially since i started having doubts... but u never left me. thank you! <3 

Link | Leave a comment |

average.

Jan. 12th, 2013 | 12:27 am

i think i suffer from some form of inferiority complex, has to be a middle child syndrome or smth. i just feel like i'll never be good enough at anything. not pretty enough cuz i dont care about touching up my make up or fake eyelashes (yea, the MAC lady told me to NOT be lazy n touch up on my eyeliner regularly instead of getting smth for the oily eyelids, grumbles), or cuz i dont go for branded goods. not smart enough cuz well, i am in my current industry where i feel most looked down upon- yes, you! from that red dot program, stop complaining about the quality of teachers cuz we are trying & if u would be willing to pay MORE FEES, sure u'd get even BETTER teachers. WANT TO PAY? & NO! stop asking for govt subsidies, stop paying $92k for COE and u should have the money! be thankful that the teachers stay in the industry despite the pay! stupid singaporean srsly. mother somemore, really felt the urge to take that lady's shoulders and shake her violently to face reality -.- hmmm, not cool enough cuz idk singers other than those from the pop or mandarin genre, a friend was in shock when i didnt know who lana del rey was initially. yea, whatever not indie enough for you huh! so yea, here's the average singaporean whom probably wont make it big in sg... k enough emo-ing, bed time! ):

Link | Leave a comment |

hello 2013.

Jan. 11th, 2013 | 11:58 pm

it's been a really long time since i posted something here. well, here i am! (: i know it's already been 10 days into the new year but it's never too late to sum up 2012 right. there are certainly many things i am thankful for:
1. driving license- THREE attempts to get this, just glad that im done & over with it. the best part is that passing doesn't equate to u knowing how to really drive on the actual roads well enough. just take parking as an example. it isnt the same as the course at all. 
2. buttercup 2012- my first K2 graduating class. this class wasn't easy to take with all sorts of personalities & learning speeds but we made it through anyway! my training ground for 2013. & this year's buttercup are SUCH A LOVELY BUNCH. <3 i feel more encouraged. 
3. trip to thailand- really enjoyed my time in CDC & kata beach. CDC because volunteering really makes me happy and the peace & simplicity of life can't be beaten. just a gd reminder to be contented. & kata beach was simply beautiful (not to mention the awesome hotel!!!! still in awe how i found it off agoda). 
4. thankful that i'm finally coming to terms that people/friends change & it's ok to just let go cuz they aren't the same anymore, won't ever be. i guess it's just sickening that there are so many people with the i, me, myself attitude. LIFE DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND U ALONE, DAMNIT. guess it's a reason why i stopped blogging, cuz it's always about my life. quite... narcissistic. how about caring for others or sparing a thought? srsly. & stop getting so wasted?! i really don't get it. nvm. 
5. job search- if u were aware, i was looking for a job in 2012 since.. August? i got a few offers but every company seemed sort of questionable. eventually, i ended up staying at my current workplace. i have mixed reactions- yay!! & what?! why?! idk, i guess that's what people mean by peace of heart? eventually MSK was the place i felt most comfortable though there are many MANY things that can be worked upon esp the mgmt. so yes, im STILL getting a miserable pay, NOT climbing up any ladder, NOT getting married anytime soon cuz HOW TO SAVE MONEY AT ALL?! BUT... i guess im still happier this way. happiness is important right? hope it won't be short lived. i would be damned if i keep comparing myself to those in other sectors- wait, no. even primary/secondary sch teachers get better pays. ok, but yah, stop comparing. i'll get there someday. 
6. masters- i've finished my 1st of 5 semesters. it isnt easy but understanding lecturers & gd team mates really help! 2 more years to go... & the results were released after christmas (i think). i did pretty well, all thanks to GOD! i couldnt have done well w/o Him esp while i had to handle all the work stress at the same time. 

i've spent the past 2 years adjusting into work life. it can be really tough sometimes w politics (oh trust me, teachers play politics too). hope it gets easier (to ignore). so, here's to 2013 working out to be easier- less transitions, more stability.  I LOVE CERTAINTY. 

Link | Leave a comment |

(no subject)

Jul. 9th, 2012 | 05:53 pm

i was wide awake throughout the day thinking and feeling unjust for my friend. i just had to blog about it. i feel that once two people have ended a relationship, he/she should no longer have the right to enter into another person's accounts and steal information. it doesn't matter what your ex was doing, cuz bluntly said it is no longer any of your business. by doing so, you were simply just breaking the trust that he/she once had in you, leaving no place to even remain as friends. and how dare you brutally use the information to ruin his/her reputation. who are you to judge a person's actions? sure, it might not have been smth people do publicly but isn't that precisely the reason why accounts require passwords and should only be logged in by the user and not some lunatic ex who cant get over being dumped? yea, and maybe he/she moved on faster than you expected but to jump to conclusions about being cheated upon? my friend might have made certain mistakes but you make NO mistake that my friend is & will always be absolutely responsible towards his/her r/s. to think that my friend even felt horrible about hurting you. i feel that whatever post you made should be taken down! intrusion of privacy and using the information is not going to make you hurt less or feel any better about yourself. urgh.

Link | Leave a comment |

please dont mind me.

May. 14th, 2012 | 04:15 pm
mood: crushedcrushed

the disappointment gets harder and harder to swallow with every phase of life i pass through. i've sucked at pretty much everything i've tried out- academically, technical skills, arts, sciences, or math. i have not excelled in any aspect of my life and today was just another reminder. so, i failed my driving test. no, it's not the end of the world but i really didnt wanna spend anymore $$ on driving, and secondly, i have had more than sufficient practice. i couldn't calm my nerves during the practice lesson and when i did during the test, i was able to pass through those that i had zero confidence in and those that i thought i could do easily, i had difficulty with. wth. so upset with myself... dont know what else to say about myself. & sometimes i can't help but question why God chose to bring me to this Earth when i'm clearly not able to do anything well enough. also, i sense a greater disappointment coming my way at the end of this month when i receive news about my masters application. urgh.

Link | Leave a comment {2} |

(no subject)

Apr. 23rd, 2012 | 06:29 pm
mood: gloomygloomy


Everybody's waiting
Everybody's watching
Even when you're sleeping
Keep your ey-eyes open

A tricky thing
As yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers
Just pretending
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands to keep score

Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard
Every lesson forms a new scar
They never thought you'd make it this far
But turn around, they've surrounded you
It's a showdown, and nobody comes to save you now
But you've got something they don't
Yeah you've got something they don't
You've just gotta keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open

Keep your feet ready
Heartbeat steady
Keep your eyes open
Keep your aim locked
The night goes dark
Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping

Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Tags:

Link | Leave a comment |

hairy monster issues.

Mar. 24th, 2012 | 11:39 pm

should i dye my hair jet black and leave it that way foreverrr? my hair's damaged from all the hair dying. but i still love my brown hairrrr. should i trim my hair? when shall i go back to clementi to thread my brows?

many unanswered questions stuck in my head. tsk.
everything answered after May & September...  

Link | Leave a comment |