the disappointment gets harder and harder to swallow with every phase of life i pass through. i've sucked at pretty much everything i've tried out- academically, technical skills, arts, sciences, or math. i have not excelled in any aspect of my life and today was just another reminder. so, i failed my driving test. no, it's not the end of the world but i really didnt wanna spend anymore $$ on driving, and secondly, i have had more than sufficient practice. i couldn't calm my nerves during the practice lesson and when i did during the test, i was able to pass through those that i had zero confidence in and those that i thought i could do easily, i had difficulty with. wth. so upset with myself... dont know what else to say about myself. & sometimes i can't help but question why God chose to bring me to this Earth when i'm clearly not able to do anything well enough. also, i sense a greater disappointment coming my way at the end of this month when i receive news about my masters application. urgh.

Everybody's waiting
Everybody's watching
Even when you're sleeping
Keep your ey-eyes open

A tricky thing
As yesterday we were just children
Playing soldiers
Just pretending
Dreaming dreams with happy endings
In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords
But now we've stepped into a cruel world
Where everybody stands to keep score

Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open

So here you are, two steps ahead and staying on guard
Every lesson forms a new scar
They never thought you'd make it this far
But turn around, they've surrounded you
It's a showdown, and nobody comes to save you now
But you've got something they don't
Yeah you've got something they don't
You've just gotta keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open

Keep your feet ready
Heartbeat steady
Keep your eyes open
Keep your aim locked
The night goes dark
Keep your eyes open

Everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
Everybody's watching to see the fallout
Even when you're sleeping, sleeping

Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open
Keep your eyes open

havent been blogging here in a while. why? 

1. i've been updating my food blog more often than this space, heehe. if you're interested... here's my food blog http://nolaoyafoodallowed.tumblr.com/

2. i dont really know what to blog anymore. i realise i've taken this place for granted. i stopped blogging about the happy stuff and i only come here to blog angry posts that are locked private. 

3. i've been too tired from work to sit down and blog. age is catching up. =\ 

going to rest, bye! 

why like that?

HALF A MONTH OF 2012 HAS GONE BY JUST LIKE THAT. crazy fast or whuttttt?!

anyway, i learned a piece of news that i'm not very sure if i should be happy/sad. so it seems that my masters application may not even be considered simply because SP refuses to have an early release of my adv diploma cert for my masters application. i went ahead to mail in all the documents but a friend did tell me that NIE/NTU will not accept incomplete ones. i'm sad because i wasted my mum's $21, and cuz i guess i have to put my plans on hold for now. on the other hand, im also happy because... honestly, i dont feel very settled with my K2 class as of yet. im still very tired out by their levels of energy everyday so i may not even have to stamina to tahan my masters program and finish it as quickly as i would like to (if i even get in). so, it's both good & bad i guess.

oooh, & i passed my BTT!!! extremely blessed. started my first practical lesson, tmr's my second. it's quite nerve wrecking actually. im so 'gan chiong' and i'm only doing auto, can't imagine manual howwww. hopefully i can pass my practical test & FTT before my PDL expires in July!

CNY is in less than a wk's time & honestly, it's not exactly on any of my family member's minds at the moment. sad, of course but... i guess at least i will spend more time with my immediate family this time. oh well. it'll be the 2nd year spending it w/o relatives. k, dinner time! byeee.

going to drive a car for the very first time this Wednesday! heeehee, im so excited. (: & yes, i passed my BTT. FTT NEXT, end of February! then, gonna quickly apply for my practical test. fast & furious! DO U KNOW CNY IS LIKE, 2 WEEKS AWAY?! too fastttt. then Valentine's Day <3 <3 and... tada, END OF TERM 1 AFTER! lol. today's the first full-day with the children. very drainedddd but i will try to manage the class better tomorrow. i actually miss my K1 class of children, even the misbehaved ones. lol. OOH, & i overslept on the bus today heeehee. ended up at dempsey, thank God i woke up slightly earlier than usual today so i was still early! haha. thank GOD, REALLY! ok, bed time. (: good night. i hope everyone's still keeping their heads above the water. just the beginning!!

just wanted to note down the things that took place in 2011. not things, maybe events? carved memories? meh. along those lines.

1. it started off with GLADNESS in my heart that i was going to be working at a new kindergarten. a better environment, for sure. i was just really thankful to be in a better place and with good mentors whom i am still very thankful for. took over Anthurium AM as a class teacher shortly after 2-months in Periwinkle. was super nervous & worried that i wouldn't be able to handle a class of 24 children but thank God for my co-teacher, Aurora! <3 she and i worked together to organise the class and it was & still has been great having her as my colleague.
2.celebrated CNY with my family @ west coast park this year w/o any visitations and it was pretty special (though no $$ to collect luh, hurr)
3. went to Hong Kong with Daniel & brought him around. he didnt fall in love with HK cuz of its high standards of living which is pretty similar to S'pore. but i likeeeee. heehe!
4. WE DID IT AGAIN! (: organised KLKK 2011 after three years, with more helping hands this time. we probably did the best we could & changed things up! THUMBS UP to Darren Chia, Geoff, Ruth Yap, Sokyin & Friedemann for the awesome work!
5. celebrated NDP with Daniel once again & i won tickets for my family, yipppeee! :> thank God that i live in S'pore! people  Singaporeans need to realise how well taken care of they are... train break down only make so much noise, we be lucky our trains dont derail and kill us. taxi increase price also wanna boycott (how many times can we atually NOT take taxi IF we try to be punctual? silly.)
6. pressing on... TAHAN-ED all the 3pm-7pm lectures&tutorials&assignments till late August and FINALLY graduated with another piece of certificate. it may seem silly to "downgrade" to a diploma but i'm enjoying what i do! (:
7. started full-time in MSK and i thought i could "rest" since i wasn't so busy with school but NOPE, started helping out with school events like sports day, & graduation concert. ji tiring yi sia.
8. agreed to go back to INNOTREK to do a Spore-Msia camp over my birthday with JK. of course the campers were great!!! <3 i just didnt enjoy the company of the trainers as much as i used to and i doubt i'll be going back anymore. it's just different.
9. then came pandamania. a VBS camp i agreed to take charge of in.... May? if i could turn back the clock, i would have started planning things earlier and pushing people to work on their parts earlier. it was a bit last minute & def could have done better in managing it. but anyway it's overrrr, THANK GOD for all the youth who agreed to help out one way or another. THANK GOD for the beautiful souls who attended the camp & enjoyed themselves. may these memories serve as little seeds to plant the plan of salvation. <3
10. LASTLY, THE ANNUAL PILGRIMAGE. this was a super last min trip to Bangkok and I LOVE SQ PROMOTIONS WHOOHOOOO. $180/- for tickets to bangkok during a peak period on a non-budget flight = WINNER! i still <3 bangkok. such an awesome trip with Daniel. (:

top 10 events that happened in 2011. 2012 is gonna be jam-packed with various commitments and i certainly pray that i'll manage my time well & enjoy doing them. im lookin' forward to my BTT test & getting to drive a car (even if it's just practice srsly!!), picnic with linC (which i feel like cooking up my mushroom&bacon dish but see the response first), & seeing my new class of children. JI EXCITING LEH 2012, WO YAO GET A HEARTATTACK. k good night! ENJOY THE LAST DAY OF THE YEAR. WHOOOOPIE. (((:

this is quite random but i was watching CNA and they featured flipsters which i actually find pretty interesting. wonder if they bring it in to Singapore... will continue to keep a look out for it. k good night. & a happy new year to youuuu! (: hope you're prepared for another buzzlightyear 2012.